My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
