So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
