Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This couple is walking their pig around campus
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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