When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
