shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
