Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
