I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
