My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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