Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
