I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
