I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
