she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
