just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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