We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
