He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
His nipple licking is glorious
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