i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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