so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
