I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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