dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
