I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
