Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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