So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
