I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is the high leading the old right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
