So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
