I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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