I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I look better un-naked...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize