toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
