last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
