mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
