just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
