I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
