I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
