the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
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I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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