I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
