A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
