I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
