I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize