all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
