so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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