i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
