Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
