i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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