Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
