it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
