how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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