2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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