i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
