just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
