What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
