Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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