Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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