Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
