how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
