He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
