Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
