his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
