i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
