The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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