I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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