i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
