If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
