You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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