I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
