I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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