im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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