cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
