I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
