'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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