My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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