how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
