I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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