She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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