Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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