Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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